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You can hold your pain – emotional, physical, psychological. You can breath yourself bigger so that you are a larger vessel for holding pain lovingly, acknowledging that there is nothing wrong with your body even as you are in pain, and that it is always doing the best it can; it is always faultless.
Photo by Ester Marie Doysabas on Unsplash. Music by Joe Valley. Meditation by Kristy Arbon.
Breathing yourself bigger and witnessing your body in pain
I felt a tight, constricted, spasm like rock in the main body of my heart. As I grew into a bigger, benevolent, compassionate container, the rock became a small stone in the midst of a still soft outer heart.
The hardness, tension and tightness I believe is there to protect me from being hurt by loss again. Filling my heart with rock like substance so it cannot be touched or damaged.
I felt deeply the loss of
• My wonderful father
• My health
• My physical ability
• My physical strength
• My health in general
• Of friends, Julia and Marijana specifically
• Of my relationship with James, my dear younger brother
• Of Mum’s health and soon perhaps her actual presence through death
• Of the house I call home
• Of any family to feel I belong to and am understood by
• The loss of work and of that identity
• Of a social life
• Of the ability to travel too far
• Of care and concern from anyone
• Of contact with others, Matthew, Mike, Beryl
• Of good men that I turned away from
Me as a larger container could feel a softness of heart, a still able to love and be loved heart, around the central now smaller stone. I remembered the love I share with Carole and Connie and Kate and Cecily, the people who know, see, hear, love and understand me, just as I am.
I felt the possibility of finding love with a man again, of finding my place in a new tribe that feels like family. The possibility of building my own home and being near people that understand, see, hear and love & care for me.
This was a tearful and truly emotional experience, but one I am glad I had. I will keep the possibilities in mind and attempt to see the hardness of my heart from the perspective of the bigger container, whenever I can, in order to remain open to love.
Thank you for this Kristy ❤️
Dear Jo, I am so touched by the depth of your experience, insight and sharing here. I felt as if I was traveling with you as you touching in to each of these points of pain. I feel deeply honored that you have shared this here. And, while acknowledging the pain, I also see the hope – a balance of honoring the past and creating the future. Grieving and Dreaming (there is another HeartWorks meditation by this name, so you might like to try that one day).
May your heart continue to protect what needs to be protected and may your broader heart hold what there is to hold with love and tenderness. Thank you for being in community with us <3