Climbing the Mindful Self-Compassion Mountain

I believe Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) might have the power to cause a quiet revolution: If we can stop being so unkind to ourselves, perhaps we might be able to stop being unkind to others; if we can look after ourselves better, perhaps we can look after others better; if we can soften towards ourselves, we can soften towards others – even those we don’t know or like so much!

MSC is a mountain-climbing journey of self-discovery that invites and supports us to open courageously to our emotional landscape, and to keep ourselves company when things get tough. When I took part in two MSC training courses last year, emotional rocks and boulders crashed around me, sometimes knocking me on the head on the way up – and down – that mountain. I have been bruised and battered, other times grazed. Yet every time, seeing the summit on high, and the sunshine at the top, I picked myself up, attended to my scrapes, strapped my climbing gear back on and kept going. Marveling at the view along the way (even when staring down a crevasse), I found the courage within myself to continue, also feeling safe in the hands of my guides (it was a dance between me and the teachers.) It was hard, but by the end I knew it was possible to look after myself.

As always life is our ‘practice’: I had the opportunity to put this ‘idea’ into action just after completing a 5-day MSC Intensive in Amsterdam. I was called back to Australia (from Berlin where I live), to be with an old family friend who was dying.

It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced: some moments were so beautiful and filled with kindness I felt astonished and inspired; others were so unpleasant and difficult I wasn’t sure how I would keep going.

I assisted him for the last three weeks of his life and was with him when he died. It was an intense six-week season of bereavement that brought up five years worth of grief (the loss of my mother), sorrow from childhood, and a myriad of other painful, complicated circumstances, as soon as I stepped off the plane.

It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced: some moments were so beautiful and filled with kindness I felt astonished and inspired; others were so unpleasant and difficult I wasn’t sure how I would keep going.

And when it came to being with him when he passed, my “hand on my heart” meant I was able to not lose myself in the vast, epic, unknown of the moment.

The answer came from MSC. It meant, simultaneously, I was able to give this man and myself kindness so that I was able to go on – to find inner reserves and “resources”. Very importantly, I was able to give him the kindness he wasn’t able to give himself. I encouraged him to soften towards himself and to reach out to others, which he did. He ‘opened up’ and was utterly amazed to discover people cared about him.

He was incredibly moved by that. I was incredibly moved by his reaction to this discovery. And when it came to being with him when he passed, my “hand on my heart” meant I was able to not lose myself in the vast, epic, unknown of the moment. I remained grounded (not frightened), and could just be there with him, sending love and empathy to him as he left this life, in the midst of the great sadness and strangeness swirling around us.

Throughout, I was able to feel grace.

That’s a pretty dramatic example of putting MSC into practice, I know! But it gave me the chance to see the potential and application of this close up from the inside out. I feel it has such potential for healing, and happiness – for us to be able to weather everything from the moment-to-moment minutia of our daily lives (which can be exhausting!), all the way through to the ‘cyclone conditions’ that come with an encounter with grief or loss, as I just described.

And as a mindfulness meditation teacher, seeing people open and vulnerable as I often do, I continue to be surprised at how easily ‘students’ beat themselves up. (Our human fallback position at work: it’s been so normalized in our culture.) Perhaps something is missing: deeper instruction around self-compassion? Of course paying close attention to our experience is important. But taking good care of ourselves with embodied self-compassion is essential.

I’m convinced kindness is a “superpower” with MSC the ‘hard hat’ to get us safely to the summit, so that we can allow ourselves time to bask in the sunshine at the top before heading back down that rocky mountain path again.

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P.S. from Kristy: If you’re interested in doing Live Online Mindful Self-Compassion training, which was where I met Megan originally, you can find more information on the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion’s website. I’ll be teaching another course starting in June.