Kristy Arbon's HeartWorks

Self-Compassion, Mindfulness, Emergent Self-Wisdom with Kristy Arbon

  • About
    • Start Here
  • Articles | Meditations
    • Article Topics
      • Anger
      • Anxiety
      • Boundaries
      • Common Humanity
      • Forgiveness
      • Inner Critic
      • Lovingkindness
      • Men
      • Parenting
      • Parts
      • Perfectionism
      • Resistance
      • Shame
      • Social Justice
      • Women
    • Meditation Topics
      • Breathe Contentment
      • Calm the Inner Critic
      • Care for the Caregiver
      • Comfort Your Sadness
      • Console Poor Health
      • Draw on Inner Wisdom
      • Generate Contentment
      • Move Your Body
      • Quiet Anxiety
      • Relax Your Nervous System
      • Restore Attention
      • Settle Ungroundedness
      • Take a Break from Work
      • Tend to Difficult Emotions
      • Tend to Your Internal Parts
      • Tune in to Your Body
      • Validate and Soothe Anger
  • Somatic Self-Compassion
    • About
    • Trainings
    • Article Topics
      • Interoception
      • Journaling
      • Mindfulness
      • Movement
      • Neurochemicals
      • Practice
      • Ritual
      • Self-Care
      • Self-Compassion
      • Sensory Modulation
      • Social Creatures
      • Somatic
      • Training
      • Trauma
      • Values and Strengths
    • Meditation Topics
      • Awareness (Topic 1)
      • Affection (Topic 2)
      • Values and Strengths (Topic 3)
      • Goals and Motivations (Topic 4)
      • Neurochemicals (Topic 5)
      • Nourishing Self-Care (Topic 6)
      • Attention Restoration (Topic 7)
      • Expanded Awareness (Topic 7)
      • Body-Centered Awareness (Topic 8)
      • Calm Nervous System (Topic 9)
      • Wake Nervous System (Topic 10)
      • Interoception (Topic 11)
      • Body Wisdom (Topic 11)
      • Wellbeing and Pleasure (Topic 12)
      • Living Spiritually (Topic 13)
      • Connection (Topic 14)
  • Professional Development
    • Trainings
    • Article Topics
      • Business
      • Healers
      • Leadership
      • Teaching
      • Trauma
      • Workplace
  • Mindful Self-Compassion
    • About
    • Articles
    • Practices
  • Mindfulness
    • Articles
    • Practices

On Flight

August 17, 2019 by Kristy Arbon

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

I’ve been doing Somatic Experiencing training this year, a program I have deep respect for and a practice that has been very helpful in my own personal trauma work and in crafting programs that are trauma-informed. Somatic Experiencing explores how implicit trauma memories are stored in the muscles of our body, and how we can work to meet unmet safety needs from past trauma through present moment choice and empowerment.

The first year training is offered in three 4-day blocks. During the first block I was in the early stages of chronic fatigue, having little understanding of what was happening in my body and having even less understanding of how to take care of it. I also did not really understand just how sensitive I am, and how my senses can only take in a certain amount of new stimulation at a time. By day 3 of the training, I was overwhelmed and had to take a day off to lay in bed and recover so that I could return for the final day.

Being in Choice

By the second block I understood much more about how to pace myself, so I planned 11 hours of sleep per night, a 40-minute nap during the lunch break, and no extra work during the four days. My mission was simply to do the training at a pace my body could handle.

In the training room I set myself up well, tending to each of my sensory needs:

  • I put a seat at the very back of the room where I could have some space (proprioception);
  • I positioned the seat far enough away from the noisy fridge in the corner that my auditory senses could handle it (hearing);
  • I brought in cushions so that my seat was comfortable and I wore comfortable clothing that didn’t dig in or distract me (touch);
  • my cushions also allowed me to sit with my knees slightly lower than my hips and with my lower back supported so that I could comfortably sit in a supported upright position (balance/vestibular system);
  • I remembered to check in with my body (interoception) and make adjustments (sensory modulation) where I felt discomfort, like releasing my shoulders down when they felt tight, allowing my belly muscles to relax, allowing my thigh muscles to relax;
  • I brought 3 pairs of seeing glasses with different prescriptions to make sure I had one that helped me see best, and I was ready to wear my sunglasses inside if I found the lighting too painful (sight); and
  • I brought tasty food in keeping with my detox diet (taste).

I loved the first day and half of the training. I loved what I was learning about the threat defense system, why my body does what she does in response to threat, and how I can constantly support her in her efforts to bring herself back into regulation. I loved that what I was learning fit beautifully into the Somatic Self-Compassion program and other trauma-informed programs I teach and plan to teach. And I loved being with all of those helping professionals who so earnestly want to support the wider community to live more authentic, free lives.

Being Out of Choice

Then, half way through the afternoon of day 2, a few things happened quickly and I was no longer regulated. All of my strategies for keeping my senses from being overwhelmed couldn’t support me as:

  1. suddenly a bunch of people stood around me as I sat in my chair during a group process and I felt trapped;
  2. I was unexpectedly put into a small group with people I hadn’t worked with on the first day, after anticipating working with the same people again; and
  3. I was unexpectedly positioned in the middle of a very loud room in a place I didn’t feel comfortable with, whereas the previous day my group was in a quieter corner of the room.

For someone as sensitive as me, these three things were enough to put me into overwhelm, a place where we can’t learn and we can’t grow. We basically go into threat defense mode in this place.

First Line of Defense Strategies

I did my best to “roll with it” with some strategies I could bring in while I was in the training:

  • I took a bathroom break to gather myself alone in a stall;
  • I drank water to nourish myself and to give myself choice;
  • I asserted myself and told the group about some of my spatial/proprioception needs as we were working out where exactly to position ourselves;
  • I asserted that I wasn’t going to be one of the first people in the group to volunteer to take part in an exercise because I felt overwhelmed.

I sat with these first lines of defense for a while, and realized that I was still overwhelmed and that these were not enough. Part of me felt I should stay in the group even if I was uncomfortable, which would have moved me deeper into a freeze/immobilization state, but the stronger part of me wanted to respond to this threat with flight. So I let the small group know that I needed to take a break outside because I was feeling overwhelmed. The beautiful thing about being in a training about how to manage overwhelm is that everyone understands what you mean and is very kind about you taking care of yourself. I gracefully left the room.

Recouping and Reevaluating

My next strategy then was to walk outside and get into my car to gather myself. My car’s interior is familiar and safe; I had intentionally parked it near some flowers and trees so that I had some visual relief from the concrete and straight lines of the building; and I could control the climate so that I was at a comfortable temperature. I sat at the steering wheel and checked in with myself.

I felt a cascade of thoughts and emotions as I reviewed my situation:

  1. I had felt a threat and responded to it by leaving (flight);
  2. I had gotten to safety (my car) and was able to then feel the emotions that weren’t accessible during the overwhelm;
  3. I started to judge myself (I should be able to stay in a training – what’s wrong with me that I need to leave?) and felt shame over my emotions and my actions – then I could name shame;
  4. I realized I was in a threat response cycle and could name it as that;
  5. I felt angry at the organizers of the training that they would change groups without notice, and that the room we were in was loud and cramped – then I could name anger;
  6. I felt sad for the younger part of me that felt overwhelmed and had had no choice many years ago – then I could name sadness;
  7. I felt anger at the people who didn’t give her choice all those years ago;
  8. I remembered that wallowing in the past was not very helpful and brought my awareness to the present moment where I could make contact with a wise old part of me that could validate all of my actions and emotions and had helped me take the actions needed to make sure I was no longer left without choice during overwhelm;
  9. I felt gratitude and pride at being able to access this older part of me – I realized that she is me and that what is happening is that I am becoming wiser.

I had been through a complete dysregulation/regulation cycle of:

  1. being overwhelmed (dysregulated, out of my window of tolerance);
  2. having my sympathetic nervous system kick in which lead me to escape to the restroom (flight);
  3. returning to the room because it was what was expected of me (a combination of sympathetic nervous system and social engagement resulting in appeasing);
  4. sitting with the overwhelm for a while without being able to make a decision (dorsal vagal parasympathetic response leading to freeze/immobilization);
  5. feeling (through interoception) that I didn’t have the resources to manage the overwhelm and that in order to stay I’d need to go further into a freeze state (using my prefrontal cortex and prior knowledge to assess the situation);
  6. deciding that I deserved better than to be in freeze (self-compassion/empowerment);
  7. telling my group I needed to leave (mobilization/social engagement);
  8. leaving (sympathetic/flight);
  9. sitting in my car (discharge of threat defense energy);
  10. anger (sympathetic/fight response noticed through interoception);
  11. sadness (ventral vagal response/parasympathetic connection with myself and my feelings noticed through interoception);
  12. comfort and self-appreciation (ventral vagal response/parasympathetic connection and responding with self-compassion);
  13. decision-making/empowerment/self-compassion!

Empowered Flight Decision

I walked back to the space and used one last piece of social engagement energy to let my group know that I was going to finish for the day and that I’d see them again tomorrow. The shame I felt over not being able to stay was still there as an undercurrent, but I could navigate through that. I was a little teary, but I knew what I had to do, and I began…

Once I got home I made myself comfortable, got something to eat, and decided that I wanted to process by writing all of this down. And I also wanted to tell you, dear reader, about how we can navigate these experiences through understanding them, through having some tools in our toolkit, and through developing our wisdom and self-compassion. Thank you for reading, and for being on this journey with me. If you’d like to learn more about these processes, I’d love to see you at the next Somatic Self-Compassion training.

  • About the Author
  • Latest Posts

About Kristy Arbon

Founder of HeartWorks, creatrix of Somatic Self-Compassion and developer of Live Online Mindful Self-Compassion for the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, Kristy Arbon is an Australian living and loving in the US. After discovering the deep healing power of emergent self-wisdom and self-compassion in her own life, Kristy felt called to share these practices and trainings with others. She's since made it her life's work. "I teach so that I can learn, and I learn so that I can teach.”

Author's website
  • Lovingkindness for Ourselves (13 minutes) - November 17, 2021
  • Lovingkindness for a Loved One (19 minutes) - November 10, 2021
  • Soothing Touch and Self-Compassion Break (24 minutes) - November 3, 2021
  • Affectionate Breathing (18 minutes) - October 27, 2021
  • Arriving Meditation (9 minutes) - October 20, 2021
View All Posts
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn
  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit
  • Click to print (Opens in new window) Print

Like this:

Like Loading...
« Finding community, grieving disconnection, taking care of my body, and teaching MSC with chronic fatigue
Remembering to Snarl »

Comments

  1. Julie Potiker says

    August 17, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    Thank you for taking the time to illustrate your process – and great job taking care of your precious self!

    Loading...
    • Kristy Arbon says

      August 17, 2019 at 8:16 pm

      Thanks for your support, dear Julie. Take care of your precious self as well!

      Loading...
  2. Mary McLaughlin says

    August 17, 2019 at 11:00 pm

    Kristy – what a powerful teaching this is for me. I resonate with your whole experience and have judged myself mercilessly for being “too sensitive and vulnerable” when everyone else seems fine. You’ve just helped me so much – your sharing has opened up a space for me inside myself – a space of kindness and understanding, self-compassion and self-support. I printed out what you wrote so that I can read it again and again. Your words hold deep wisdom and bring the teachings to life. It’s just what I’ve been needing to hear and I’m grateful to you. From my heart to yours.

    Loading...
    • Kristy Arbon says

      August 18, 2019 at 8:24 am

      I’m feeling the common humanity in our experience, dear Mary. We are not along (I suspected as much 😉 ). Thanks so much for telling me how this piece helped you. Your response helps me. Thanks for being in community with me 🙂

      Loading...
  3. Silvia says

    August 18, 2019 at 3:53 am

    Hi Kristy,
    thank you for your openness in sharing your process. It is so, so helpful to understand the cycle of what is happening, if someone is spelling it out so beautifully. I have tried SE, but I quit, because I was overwhelmed and had no practioner, who could break down all those different layers and help me take care of myself in the way you now did. I need the theory backing up the experience and the resources. I would love to work with someone like you.

    Loading...
    • Kristy Arbon says

      August 18, 2019 at 8:26 am

      Thanks so much for commenting, dear Silivia. I’m glad you find it helpful to understand these kinds of cycles. Indeed, it makes a huge difference to work with someone skilled in all of this. If you try SE again, I hope you find someone to support you through this work. It really is powerful.

      Loading...
  4. Jo Dagless says

    August 18, 2019 at 4:18 am

    Wow talk about insight Kristy! Thank you for this incredible piece that I relate to so deeply. I recently had a very similar workshop experience and was able to only partly be aware of the process I was going through at the time and ended up in a right old frozen pickle that led to me fleeing and missing the final day of a 2 day course. I find I very often react to group learning situations in many of these ways and after my recent experience have actually postponed my teacher training for fear of repeating the same experience. Your reflective step by step process is inspiring as a model for me thinking about how to move forwards and I thank you as always for your openness as a teacher a student and a writer. I feel here you have provided a framework from which I can perhaps fathom a way to view my own intense sensitivity in social and learning situations in a new way. I don’t know of anyone else offering this kind of authentic, personal, practical and profound material, so thank you again Kristy. Much love xxxxx

    Loading...
    • Kristy Arbon says

      August 18, 2019 at 8:30 am

      Lovely to be connecting with you, dear Jo. I think many of us have the kinds of experiences you talk about and that I talk about. Maybe we’re muddling together to find our way through. Maybe training will become more sensitive to these needs in many of us. Or maybe folks like you and I are developing this training 😉 Here’s to common humanity and finding ways to skillfully keep our beautiful selves company in group settings!

      Loading...
  5. Dee says

    August 27, 2019 at 6:02 am

    Thank you Kristy. You are truly inspirational and amazing! You know how I have had chronic fatigue and pain for many years now, and I have not been able to shift myself from what my expectations of me were to what I am right now, in the present moment. The distance between my expectations of self and what the present moment is right now was always just too overwhelming, I could not fathom it, and I approached it with disdain, not liking my body, losing hope, being ashamed, apologetic, frustrated at my sensitive nature that was a cause of distress. It has been a very slow process dear Kristy, firstly, I discovered Mindfulness and Breathworks, then I discovered Self Compassion and practised online with you, then I went throught Somatic Self Compassion and the Body Awareness course, although I feel overwhelmed at times with all the information, there is also an excitement, relief, release that I have found something that can help me make friends with my body, to be able to listen to it, nurture it and to feel special, not a pain the butt with my sensitivty. But it is your writing about your experiences recently that have really touched me. I feel such pride in how you take care of yourself, I also have such sadness when I realise I have not been taking care of myself ever! But it brings hope and peacefulness at times and I know I am in the right place, finally. Thank you! X

    Loading...
    • Kristy Arbon says

      August 27, 2019 at 10:15 am

      Thanks so much for sharing, dear Dee. I really appreciate your insight into your own challenges, and I’m glad you feel you have some resources to help you navigate onward. There is so much power in sharing our stories, and I’m grateful that you share some of yours. It helps us to feel that we are not alone in our experiences. I’m glad we’re in community together, my friend 🙂

      Loading...

trauma recovery

Self-Compassion training can support your healing journey and tend to your body now. If you suffer from the effects of trauma and you need to do deep somatic work to heal the past, there are a bunch of great resources available to you. Here are some of them:

 Cheetah House

 Deirdre Fay

 International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation

 National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network

 Odelya Gertel Kraybill (Expressive Trauma Integration)

 Psychology Today

 Sidran Institute

 Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute

 The Center for Self-Leadership (Internal Family Systems)

 The Daring Way (Brene Brown's shame resilience methodology)

 Trauma Center Trauma Sensitive Yoga

Donate
Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2025 · Tasteful Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

%d