Kristy Arbon's HeartWorks

Self-Compassion, Mindfulness, Emergent Self-Wisdom with Kristy Arbon

  • About
    • Start Here
  • Articles | Meditations
    • Article Topics
      • Anger
      • Anxiety
      • Boundaries
      • Common Humanity
      • Forgiveness
      • Inner Critic
      • Lovingkindness
      • Men
      • Parenting
      • Parts
      • Perfectionism
      • Resistance
      • Shame
      • Social Justice
      • Women
    • Meditation Topics
      • Breathe Contentment
      • Calm the Inner Critic
      • Care for the Caregiver
      • Comfort Your Sadness
      • Console Poor Health
      • Draw on Inner Wisdom
      • Generate Contentment
      • Move Your Body
      • Quiet Anxiety
      • Relax Your Nervous System
      • Restore Attention
      • Settle Ungroundedness
      • Take a Break from Work
      • Tend to Difficult Emotions
      • Tend to Your Internal Parts
      • Tune in to Your Body
      • Validate and Soothe Anger
  • Somatic Self-Compassion
    • About
    • Trainings
    • Article Topics
      • Interoception
      • Journaling
      • Mindfulness
      • Movement
      • Neurochemicals
      • Practice
      • Ritual
      • Self-Care
      • Self-Compassion
      • Sensory Modulation
      • Social Creatures
      • Somatic
      • Training
      • Trauma
      • Values and Strengths
    • Meditation Topics
      • Awareness (Topic 1)
      • Affection (Topic 2)
      • Values and Strengths (Topic 3)
      • Goals and Motivations (Topic 4)
      • Neurochemicals (Topic 5)
      • Nourishing Self-Care (Topic 6)
      • Attention Restoration (Topic 7)
      • Expanded Awareness (Topic 7)
      • Body-Centered Awareness (Topic 8)
      • Calm Nervous System (Topic 9)
      • Wake Nervous System (Topic 10)
      • Interoception (Topic 11)
      • Body Wisdom (Topic 11)
      • Wellbeing and Pleasure (Topic 12)
      • Living Spiritually (Topic 13)
      • Connection (Topic 14)
  • Professional Development
    • Trainings
    • Article Topics
      • Business
      • Healers
      • Leadership
      • Teaching
      • Trauma
      • Workplace
  • Mindful Self-Compassion
    • About
    • Articles
    • Practices
  • Mindfulness
    • Articles
    • Practices

What Would Auntie Rosemary Do? Learning Through Embodiment

August 10, 2015 by Kristy Arbon

Auntie Rosemary

Auntie Rosemary

A number of years ago I decided to change the way I related to people. I had a job where I came into contact with a lot of people looking for refuge, for answers, for comfort. Feeling inadequate, and more than a little bit of an imposter in my role as retreat manager at a Buddhist retreat center, I wondered how I could offer folks something of what they were looking for. How could I help people to feel relaxed, to release whatever stressful life they just drove from – how could I help folks feel at home? And how could I disarm my own tendency toward being uptight, controlling and stressed by contagion, in contact with so many uncomfortable souls?

What would Auntie Rosemary do?

Auntie Rosemary is the person from my childhood who comes to mind when I tap into what it means to be nurtured, unconditionally loved and accepted. Visits to Auntie Rosemary’s crowded kitchen – with its groaning, bursting-at-the-seams cupboards; packed from wall to wall with humanity; sweet biscuits and cups of tea covering the kitchen table – were one of the consistent highlights of my childhood. Children and grown-ups sat together and the grown-ups talked about the crops, the rain, the neighbors, the cousins. And I felt a part of something bigger and more embracing than I felt anywhere else. I felt at home, and I felt loved.

So, what did Auntie Rosemary say? She said, “Love” a lot. She used Love as a proper noun, a term of endearment, a name for everyone. “Love, do you want a biscuit?” “What did you do to your knee, Love?” “We’ll see you next week, Love.” I loved being her Love. She embodied acceptance and nurturing. And, many years later, that’s what I wanted other people to feel.

As I allowed myself to be vulnerable, to use a term of endearment with people I barely knew, to recognize “Love” wherever I saw him or her, I felt love. I felt warmth, acceptance and nurturing.

So, I faked it until I made it, and I tentatively started using “Love” when I connected with people. First I felt sort of silly – who am I to pretend to embody acceptance and nurturing? But then a funny thing happened – I started to feel it. As I allowed myself to be vulnerable, to use a term of endearment with people I barely knew, to recognize “Love” wherever I saw him or her, I felt love. I felt warmth, acceptance and nurturing. I started to slide into what came so naturally to Auntie Rosemary. And it felt like coming home.

So I decided to try this with other beloved mentors. When someone I worked with made a mistake or took too long, I thought, “What would Susan say?” Susan is a dear woman who has been in my adult life for many years, as a constant companion, colleague and friend. And nothing in the workplace fazes her – it’s more important to love the person than to highlight the behavior. “I can see you tried really hard,” “But that’s OK, we’re all in this together,” “What do you need from me right now, dear?” This is what Susan says. And so I try her words on, and find that I, too, am more concerned for the person than any behavior they might have done.

Also, “What would Chris say?” Chris is a very generous soul. When money is involved, he goes to great pains to avoid any shame over misunderstandings, and he also allows his natural generosity to express itself. Just like Susan, the person is more important than the money. I keep my natural tendency for uptight fiscal responsibility and control in check, and I allow love, not money, to guide the conversation.

She reminds me that eating and drinking and laughing with good friends is something worth prioritizing. She reminds me that life is not all about work, and that sometimes cheeky conversation is a great way to blow off steam.

And finally, “What would Gloria say?” She’d say, “Let’s go and get a drink and a good meal!” “Come and spend time with me” “Let’s let our hair down.” And so my inner Gloria comes out every now and then when I’m taking myself too seriously. She reminds me that eating and drinking and laughing with good friends is something worth prioritizing. She reminds me that life is not all about work, and that sometimes cheeky conversation is a great way to blow off steam.

In MSC we work at nurturing our relationship with a compassionate friend as a way to tap into how it feels to be soothed so that we can do for ourselves what loved ones do for us. First, our friend is outside of us, relating to us as the second person. Then the friend is inside of us, as an inner voice that remembers to contribute in times of need. Finally, the compassionate friend is us – we have embodied all that we hope to be for ourselves. And then, just like Auntie Rosemary’s kitchen, we are home.

  • About the Author
  • Latest Posts

About Kristy Arbon

Founder of HeartWorks, creatrix of Somatic Self-Compassion and developer of Live Online Mindful Self-Compassion for the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, Kristy Arbon is an Australian living and loving in the US. After discovering the deep healing power of emergent self-wisdom and self-compassion in her own life, Kristy felt called to share these practices and trainings with others. She's since made it her life's work. "I teach so that I can learn, and I learn so that I can teach.”

Author's website
  • Lovingkindness for Ourselves (13 minutes) - November 17, 2021
  • Lovingkindness for a Loved One (19 minutes) - November 10, 2021
  • Soothing Touch and Self-Compassion Break (24 minutes) - November 3, 2021
  • Affectionate Breathing (18 minutes) - October 27, 2021
  • Arriving Meditation (9 minutes) - October 20, 2021
View All Posts
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn
  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit
  • Click to print (Opens in new window) Print

Like this:

Like Loading...
« A Child Waits Over the Ocean
Connectiong Through Our Shared Experience of Trauma »

Comments

  1. Jennifer says

    January 31, 2018 at 3:45 pm

    This is lovely, Kristy—the whole article and the IRL connections you have.
    xo Jenifer

    Loading...
    • Kristy Arbon says

      January 31, 2018 at 3:51 pm

      Thank you for your support, dear Jennifer! Lovely to be connecting with you again. You’ll have to help me out here – what is “IRL”? Much love to you. xxx

      Loading...
      • Jennifer says

        January 31, 2018 at 6:09 pm

        “In Real Life.” 😉 much love back to you! Xo

        Loading...
        • Kristy Arbon says

          January 31, 2018 at 6:18 pm

          Love it! Is that the opposite to URL – unlike real life?

          Loading...
          • Jennifer says

            January 31, 2018 at 7:43 pm

            LOL! Yes!

            Loading...

Trackbacks

  1. Kristy Arbon on Mindfulness, Self-Compassion, and Success · says:
    May 31, 2020 at 2:57 pm

    […] My favorite aunt! She is still alive, her name is Auntie Rosemarie. […]

    Loading...

Donate
Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2025 · Tasteful Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

%d